Or, for example, there are mothers who do not deny themselves computer games, group sex (I read such things on the Internet) or immediately entrust babies to grandmothers and round-the-clock nannies. I even heard about a scandalous case, when one young family gave the child for a year to the baby house - well, so as not to hinder the parents-students from completing the fifth year of the institute.
Despite the enormity of such an act, the young mother can be understood: children, especially babies, take not only a hundred, but it seems that one hundred and fifty percent of the time, attention and energy. Therefore, it is not surprising that young mothers are visited by depression, known as postpartum, hysterics, which everyone tries to explain with hormones and other unpleasant conditions that many who have experienced with the infant in the house have experienced.
However, the cause of these hysterics and depressions is not at all physiological, but of a very psychological nature: many women are not ready for the fact that their life is now completely subordinated to another being - demanding and at the same time so helpless.
Paradoxically, many popular publications advise young mothers not to focus entirely on the child, but to pay attention to the husband - he, the poor, cannot survive his wife’s inattention when she is completely absorbed by the comparative characteristics of diaper brands, bottles, analyzes, creams and diathesis.
The Internet is replete with complaints from both sides, when wives complain about the lack of help with the child, and husbands - about the constant claims of young mothers, lack of attention and direct statements of the wife “Yes, I love the child much more than you”.
Often, men take the path of least resistance and simply begin to disappear at work or even, as one of the participants in such Internet discussions admitted, “wander aimlessly through the parks, because there is no desire to go home to listen to the reproaches of the wife”. Of course, a tired wife after his arrival begins to make trouble even more.
Neither of the parties wants to go towards the partner, considering himself offended. It turns out a vicious circle, which sometimes ends in divorce.
Of course, when a woman is occupied by a helpless baby, the care of which takes all her strength and time, the tips in the “We must also pay attention to her husband” series sound like a mockery: as a rule, a woman is not able to pay attention even to herself, while life Her husband's almost unchanged. Well, except that the approach to the bed was added with a hooting of emotion and stories to friends about the son-daughter during the "beer" get-togethers. At the same time, men are very proud that they work and earn money, forgetting that work, unlike a baby, ends at six, she does not cry, does not get sick, does not hysteria and does not constantly ask for pens, you can score on her and leaving the office, just forget.
Of course, in order to break this vicious circle of constant claims, one must make an effort. The most important thing, in my opinion, is not to treat the upbringing of children as a feat that is difficult, dangerous, and stressless. There are a lot of parents whose life has only become richer and more interesting with the birth of children. My opinion on this subject - those who complain that with the birth of children their life is over, really and never lived.
And the second important advice - it is necessary to involve fathers to the maximum in raising children from infancy. Of course, many mothers tend not to trust their baby to anyone, believing that no one can cope with the care and education better than they do. But such an approach is fraught with the above described removal of a husband from raising a child - with all the ensuing consequences.
So, if a part (ideally - half) of the care of the baby is to be entrusted to the husband, then the calm and cheerful mother will have time for herself and, oddly enough, for the husband. And the answer to the question, who is more important for a woman - a husband or a child, sounds like this: for a woman, the most important thing is herself, her condition and mood.
And when she is happy and cheerful, her loved ones are happy and healthy.