Do girls hurt?

I was teasing him, I was teasing - my mother is quietly watching her, my daughter has already gone: “Masha, you understand, you can't tease him like that”, the boy roars, he was also dropped ...

Fortunately, at this moment the girl's mother intervened and stopped her, stopping the bullying of the boy. A little more and I, contrary to all my ideas about how to properly treat children, would intervene and most likely would do it sternly towards Masha. This situation made me think - I teach my son that it is impossible to offend girls, but even I really wanted to hit this Masha! She specially scoffed at the little one !!! I didn’t react to soft and correct comments. Children 5 and 3 years, it seems to me, the difference in two years at this age is significant and a three-year-old baby can not give an adequate rebuff ". Question to the psychologist

Girls are different. In preschool and elementary school, girls are often larger and more physically developed than boys. Behave yourself can in various ways, including aggressively, the benefit of physical strength on their side.

Nevertheless, cultural traditions are such that girls are usually taken care of and protected. Mothers' boys quite often broadcast bans on exposure against girls as such, regardless of their own initiative actions. Consequently, the obedient calm modest boy may be held hostage to the family prescription: you can't be hurt girls! It will fall under the hand of such Masha and will suffer: on the one hand, “girls cannot be insulted” (beat, tease), on the other hand, for example, “a real man does not cry and does not complain!”. Such a boy can be very hard.

I exaggerate a little, but such prescriptions (the rules of life quite often go together). It means that the boy cannot protect himself, cannot answer the girl, cannot complain to the elder (he is a man, not some kind of sneak) and even express his resentment, tears, for example, also cannot (he is also a man, not some crybaby). The consequences of this state of affairs can be very diverse, ranging from not wanting to go to the garden, where the child finds himself in such a hopeless situation, ending with frequent colds (if I don’t want to go to the garden, which can prevent me from eating an icicle for a walk, hiding for the veranda?) or tics from emotional stress.

Therefore, for educational purposes, it is better to use more flexible formulations. Let the wishes be transformed depending on the circumstances, be specific, without globality and abstraction. Although it is probably possible to formulate something global, for example: do things to people the way you want them to do to you. Not only with girls, but also with boys, and even with adults.

And so it makes sense to analyze every conflict situation, analyze it with the child at a level that is accessible to him. Who did what? Why do you think so? Who said what? How was it possible to do otherwise? How could it have been otherwise? What could be done to make everyone satisfied? And so on.

When it comes to preschoolers, the difference in age of two years is significant. And the situation given in the example at the beginning of the article could not be resolved without the intervention of an adult. You can make a remark to the aggressor, act differently, an outsider has no right, so you can focus on the offender, for example, take him out of the “zone of aggression”, stand between him and the offender, close yourself and not allow the offender to reduce the distance and move on to active nonverbal aggression .

All children are different, brought up differently, not all of them can protect themselves equally easily. Younger children are especially in need of such protection. Do not let such situations take their course, in the hope that the child will cope on their own. Somehow the child will certainly cope, but how many not always justifiable efforts can it cost him?

Watch the video: The #1 Reason GOOD Women Get Hurt! (March 2020).

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