Which parent should leave the child after the divorce?

A child has appeared - now his upbringing, and nothing else, has become a goal for us as parents. In the case of a direct threat to their own life and health, the child, of course, must be protected by society from the cruel treatment of parents and have the right to complain about them. However, to attract a child to witness a conflict between parents is categorically unacceptable, no matter how old he is, and no matter how tempting it may seem to the injured party.

Ultimately, our goal is not to punish the offender at any cost, but to get out of a conflict situation with the least loss. Is it worth sacrificing even for the sake of justice the health of your own child? After all, he, acting as a witness, seemingly from the best of intentions, thereby turns into an instrument of self-destruction. In the mind of a child, the only correct statement is: “My mom is the best in the world, and my dad is the best in the world.” Therefore, a conviction, a testimony against the “best” destroys the psyche of the child in its basic foundations.

The surest way to make the computer “freeze” is to give it a knowingly unsolvable task, contradictory at the level of system programs. If you do not want to get one hundred percent adult neurotic and chronic psychosomatics (and now more than one hundred of the most common diseases are officially classified as psychosomatosis) - do not undermine the fundamental ideas of the child regarding his parents.

After a divorce, it is better for the child to stay with the parent who manifests himself most loyally and kindly to his former spouse. It is assumed that in this case the image of a “bad mother” or “bad father” will not be aggressively implanted in the mind of the child. Although, of course, this is only the lesser of the evils, because, losing the male or female model of behavior in the process of education, it will be extremely difficult for the child to create a full-fledged family. Destroying our family, we unfortunately include a chain reaction of the destruction of families in future generations.

Anything can happen in life, but for us it must be a law: “We are big, you are small; we give, and we give with love, you take, and you take without judgment. Because when you become big, you will also give everything you can to your children. And they will not condemn you, because you will be “the best parent in the world for them,” just like we were for you. ”

Notice - “we”, not “I.” In the mind of the child should be "Dad" and "Mom" together, regardless of how and where the carriers of these sacred images live. The concepts “mom is better than dad” and “dad is better than mom” are inherently destructive, because “mom” and “dad” for a child are not two equal persons, such as, for example, a judge, but two female roles in the world of people.

Watch the video: Getting a Divorce with Kids: What Parents Need to Know (March 2020).


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